Somehow I almost enjoy travel in Asia more. I am able to drop the pretense of being a local, a native. I accept myself as a tourist. I soak in, swim in, drown myself in my truth. With camera ever ready, I enjoy every aspect of traveling because I am not playing a role. Yet, in Western coutries I find myself trying to fit in. Attempting to fool those who can see straight through my weak farce. I hesitate to ask directions or even speak because my accent, my clumsy attempts at language will surely give me away. My camera stays hidden. I stay hidden. Why the act though? Why the self-imposed embarrassment? When my face gives me away I am free. Or perhaps I have stood out in a crowd for so long that I merely want to blend in. It has been a long time since I fit in or belonged anywhere. A long time since I was accepted and wasn't seen as just a foreign face.
Eiffel Tower
Why is it that frequently, especially recently, the only word I can find to describe my life is surreal. I’m sitting in the shadow of the Eiffel Tower eating a baguette and cheese. Looking at the tower I feel as though I am looking at a picture. Taking pictures of a picture. The Eiffel Tower has always been an image, never a reality, in my life. So even as I look at the real thing, my conditioned brain doesn’t accept it.
Dialouge to French Waiters
You smile as I enter your café. Then when I stumble through “Une café s’il vous plait” you register my lack of understanding and suddenly your eyes turn cold. I do notice, whether or not you meant for me to. I want you to understand that just because I didn’t study your language doesn’t make me an ignorant, arrogant American. Just because I didn’t pick your language doesn’t mean I haven’t worked hard to learn a language that is not my own. What I have found in my travels is that all over the world people are happy and excited when I make an effort to use their language. Even simple things such as “hello” and “thank you” bring smiles. Yet you give me no credit for what I have learned. Instead you fault me for all the words I haven’t learned yet. Utterly impatient, you have no time for true communication, which comes in many forms. You need immediate understanding or you want none at all. I am not going to be able to give you that immediate understanding though.
Eiffel Tower
Why is it that frequently, especially recently, the only word I can find to describe my life is surreal. I’m sitting in the shadow of the Eiffel Tower eating a baguette and cheese. Looking at the tower I feel as though I am looking at a picture. Taking pictures of a picture. The Eiffel Tower has always been an image, never a reality, in my life. So even as I look at the real thing, my conditioned brain doesn’t accept it.
Dialouge to French Waiters
You smile as I enter your café. Then when I stumble through “Une café s’il vous plait” you register my lack of understanding and suddenly your eyes turn cold. I do notice, whether or not you meant for me to. I want you to understand that just because I didn’t study your language doesn’t make me an ignorant, arrogant American. Just because I didn’t pick your language doesn’t mean I haven’t worked hard to learn a language that is not my own. What I have found in my travels is that all over the world people are happy and excited when I make an effort to use their language. Even simple things such as “hello” and “thank you” bring smiles. Yet you give me no credit for what I have learned. Instead you fault me for all the words I haven’t learned yet. Utterly impatient, you have no time for true communication, which comes in many forms. You need immediate understanding or you want none at all. I am not going to be able to give you that immediate understanding though.
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