I'm free!!!!!!! I feel like I just got released from prison (well not quite that bad, and with better food). I don't have to study Japanese anymore. I can, but now there is no pressure of homework and tests and stuff. I am done!

Tomorrow I am off to Kanazawa to see my old host family, and I am soooo excited! I really miss them, they were so adorable. Okasan called last night to tell me to pack warm clothes because it is really cold in Kanazawa. And Otousan is meeting me at the station to take me to lunch. I'm only going for one day, but it will be wonderful!

I still have to pack..........

Less than a week. So much to do! I only have one final left to take tomorrow and then I am done! Friday Professor Wordell took a group of us to a bar called Popcorn, that was a riot. We all had a good time. It is is funny to go out with professor's in Japan, but they all do it. In America we never go out with professor's. After Popcorn I went to a party at Addi's dorm, and the Lit professor came and was playing drinking games with us. It was hilarious. Saturday I went to a party at Tran's host family's house. It was a lot of fun. Then Sunday we went to Arabian Rock and Monday to Uni-Glo. Now is it Tuesday and I am almost done.

I just finished a biography on Mishima. He was a fascinating man. His novels were incredible, but his personality was even more fascinating. He committed seppuku in 1970. He and some students who had formed the Shield Society, dedicated to protecting the emperor, took a commander hostage. Mishima then gave a speech to the soldiers in the Japan Defense league, then slit his belly open and had one of the other students behead him (a traditional Japanese death). Apparently he was obsessed with death and the concept of death his whole life. It's a rather morbid thought, but provides insight into Japanese society, because for years many Japanese men were obsessed with the idea of death, preferring to die a noble death for their leader than continue living. The biography was by John Nathan and I would definitely recommend it to anyone interested in Japanese ideas.

I am feeling rather frustrated today with my Japanese. I have to give a presentation in Japanese on a trip to Okinawa, and I do not feel prepared at all. I also designed a power point presentation that will not do what I want it to because the power point is in Japanese and I can't figure out where everything is. Very very frustrating.

My flight schedule:

Dec. 22 12:50 leave Nagoya
13:50 arrive in Narita, Toyko
13:50-19:00 sit in Narita airport (bored out of my mind for over 5 hours)
19:00 leave Narita
Dec. 22 10:35 arrive in Vancouver (after an 11 hour flight, I will still arrive 2 hours before I left Nagoya)
10:35-15:30 sit in Vancouver airport (bored beyond belief for 5 hours)
15:30 leave Vancouver
17:50 arrive in San Francisco

All combined that totals:
14 approximate hours of flying time
10 approximate hours of sitting in an airport

I just might go crazy.

I was thinking about identity today. I have been reading a lot of books lately about people who are half-Japanese, or look Japanese and have trouble fitting into Japanese society. They are half-way in between 2 cultures and can't fit into one completely. Or even if they can fit into the US fine, they can't fit into Japanese society. Several of my friends are half-Japanese or look Japanese, and they have problems because everyone thinks they are fluent and expects them to understand everything about the culture. In one book the woman was half-Japanese, had lived in Japan for years, spoke the language fluently, and was still constantly told that she could never really fit in. All of these people struggle to fit in. I was just thinking that it is odd, because I don't look Japanese, it is almost easier for me. I fit into a definite category of "non-Japanese" and so Japanese people know where to categorize me. I know myself where I fit into the scheme of things. But people who are inbetween don't fit into a category and just confuse the Japanese. We have been talking a lot about the Japanese psyche lately, and it is really interesting. The different ways the mind works. For example, in almost all Indo-European languages, personal pro-nouns like "I" and "You" are used to determine "speaker" and "audience". They change depending on who is talking. In Japanese the personal pronouns of I and You are not widely used. Instead personal pronouns are mostly the persons place in life, or occupation. Rather than personal pronouns defining speaker and audience, the personal pronouns in Japanese define who the person is. They don't change depending on who is talking. It is a totally different way of analyzing people. It is so interesting!

19 days left!

I know that I shouldn't be counting. Or that perhaps I shouldn't be as happy as I am about only 19 days left. But I am happy there are only 19 days left. I have had a really wonderful time in Japan, learned a lot of things, and seen some beautiful places. But I realized some things about myself. As much as I like to think that I am an international person, I am still an American at heart. I like traveling, but I could never live anywhere but the United States (permanently. a few years here or there is different). There is something that we all take for granted, and that is being surrounded by people who have the same mindset as ourselves. I know that America is very diverse and all of the people in America are different. But despite all of our differences, somewhere deep inside, every person in American has an American identity, and therefore thinks like an American. I never realized how important that is until I came to Japan. Being surrounded by people who don't think like me, who have such a different self-identity, it makes me appreciate living in America. I also always liked to think that people everywhere are the same. And while that is true to some extent, people in different countries are also very different. Just like a children are shaped by their experiences and all become different adults, countries are shaped by their histories and their people all become slightly different. It is a hard thing to name specifically, I can't create a list of: these are how Americans and Japanese are different. Not without resorting to lots of cliched sterotypes that I dislike. But there are definite differences.

I also miss silly little things like dryers and beds.

Well last night was my 4th Thanksgiving dinner and was by far the best. Last Sunday there was dinner at Addi's church, then dinner with Anna Lisa on Thursday night (Turkey Soup and Grilled Cheese sandwiches) and then Friday night Addi had a Thanksgiving party at her dorm. We bought vodka that was made in the USSR (We didn't realize that when we bought it). Addi's party was fun, it was a bunch of college students (maybe 15-20) attempting to cook a Thanksgiving dinner in a kitchen with a small microwave and no oven and only 2 casserole dishes. It was an adventure.

Last night was the best though. I cooked Thanksgiving dinner for my host family and my friend Rebekah came over to help. Shana, my host family's exchange students from last year, also came over. I made stuffing, mashed potatoes, pumpkin pie, chicken, and sweet potatoes. It was the first time I had made stuffing or mashed potatoes from scratch, but they turned out ok. Rebekah made pumpkin bread, cranberry sauce, brocolli, and a spinach-onion sautee. Rebekah also brought some chocolate cake and pecan pie. Shana brought a huge American-style salad. It was incredible! My okasan was so happy that she didn't have to cook. It was really nice when everyone went around the table saying what they were thankful for.. Otousan said that he was thankful for the exchange students that he has had and he was thankful for his wife. Okasan told me later that Japanese men neveer say thank you to their wives, and that was the first time in 16 years of marriage he had thanked her. It was very sweet! The other Thanksgiving dinner's were nice, but last night was the best because my host family is beginning to feel like family, and so it really felt like Thanksgiving!