I LOVE MY FAMILY!

I think that I have begun to appreciate adults more in the last few weeks than I ever had before. Now I know that sounds strange, because I never realized that I wasn’t fully appreciating them. But I feel lately as though I am coming apart somewhat. There is so much to do before graduation, tests, papers, forms to turn in, tickets to pick up, etc., etc., etc. And I am experiencing so many emotions, happy, sad, scared of the future, uncertainty, and excitement. So then lately I have been talking to adults, family members, and I realize suddenly that they understand me. Completely understand what I am going through. And that is unique because I have always felt like adults didn’t really understand what I was going through. I was talking to my dad last week and he said that he went through the same thing when he was getting ready to graduate. I don’t think of my parents as ever having been stuck or indecisive. When I picture them growing up they always made the choice they did without any effort, like the actors in a movie, it’s just scripted that way so it happens. To suddenly realize not only was my father not always completely sure of himself, but he actually felt the way I do and understands what I am going through was a wonderful revelation. It made me feel closer to him and made me feel better about all of my concerns, if he didn’t know what he was doing at 22 and turned out all right, then I supposed I will too.

It's very strange. You come to college and spend a lot of time making friends. Most people probably invest more time into friends than into school work or jobs. Then as the whole thing draws to an end you realize there are only one or maybe two people that you have truly bonded with. There are only a very few people that have really touched me, and understand how I work. And while I am happy to have been able to meet those wonderful friends and I know I will stay in touch with those few people forever, I realized how sad it is that most of my friendships are not like that. I don't know what I could have done differently, perhaps nothing. Perhaps not all friendships are supposed to be deep and meaningful. But I am beginning to realize that a lot of friendships I thought were important to me, mean nothing to the other person. I find that sad. Sad that when I leave DC most of the people who are my "friends" I will never see again. And honestly I won't cry about that loss. I doubt that I will leave a big hole in their lives either. We will say good-bye and walk away and probably never look back. It's just disconcerting that after 4 years I will leave and only stay in touch with one or two people. I suppose that I can't measure the last four years only by long-term friends I've made, but if I did my life would be utterly depressing. Is the cup half-empty or half-full? Did I make only 2 really great friends in four years? Or did I meet two people who have changed my life forever? I guess it just depends on which angle I look at it from.

I am very excited about next week. Thursday I am going to be teaching an ethics course about poverty for the World Bank's "Bring your Sons and Daughters to Work Day". I have to teach the class twice to groups for 7th- 10th graders. Lindsay designed a fabulous lesson plan and is letting me help with some of it. So I have been doing a bunch of reading about poverty and ethics. Honestly it makes me feel incredibly guilty. It's odd how theme's seem to carry, because Sunday's final round at nationals was also about poverty. There is this ethicist, I think his name is Peter Singher, who sets up a scenario that I find very disturbing; for the scenario I answer the "correct answer" but then when applied to the real world I see that I don't give the correct answer.

"Bob is close to retirement. He has invested most of his savings in a very rare and valuable old car, a Bugatti, which he has not been able to insure. The Bugatti is his pride and joy. In addition to the pleasure he gets from driving and caring for his car, Bob knows that its rising market value means that he will always be able to sell it and live comfortably after retirement. One day when Bob is out for a drive, he parks the Bugatti near the end of a railway siding and goes for a walk up the track. As he does so, he sees that a runaway train, with no one aboard, is running down the railway track. Looking farther down the track, he sees the small figure of a child very likely to be killed by the runaway train. He can't stop the train and the child is too far away to warn of the danger, but he can throw a switch that will divert the train down the siding where his Bugatti is parked. Then nobody will be killed -- but the train will destroy his Bugatti. Thinking of his joy in owning the car and the financial security it represents, Bob decides not to throw the switch. The child is killed. For many years to come, Bob enjoys owning his Bugatti and the financial security it represents. Bob's conduct, most of us will immediately respond, was gravely wrong. Unger agrees. But then he reminds us that we, too, have opportunities to save the lives of children. We can give to organizations like Unicef or Oxfam America. How much would we have to give one of these organizations to have a high probability of saving the life of a child threatened by easily preventable diseases? (I do not believe that children are more worth saving than adults, but since no one can argue that children have brought their poverty on themselves, focusing on them simplifies the issues.) Unger called up some experts and used the information they provided to offer some plausible estimates that include the cost of raising money, administrative expenses and the cost of delivering aid where it is most needed. By his calculation, $200 in donations would help a sickly 2-year-old transform into a healthy 6-year-old — offering safe passage through childhood's most dangerous years." He goes on to say that everytime we make a luxury purchase (go out to dinner, shop for more stylish clothing, buy ice cream), we are not saving a life. Singher proposes that all non-necessity money earned (everthing over $30,000 for a famly of four) should be spent stopping world hunger and poverty. I don't know how to present this idea to junior high kids though, Lindsay keeps telling me that I can't make them cry, which might be difficult.

My father reassures me that everyone goes through the "What on earth am I doing with my life" panic right before graduation. I believe him, but that doesn't make me panic any less. It's not that I can't think of things that I want to do with my life. There are a million things I want to do. But I don't know which one to pick. My mother seems to think that if I was a 60's rock star all of my problems would be solved. If only it were that easy. Of course if I was a 60's rock star I'm sure she would still be pressuring me to go to law school. I have this feeling that I have to pick a road, and I am scared to death that I am going to pick the wrong one. I know that I can change the course of my life at any point, but how am I supposed to know now what is going to make me happy when I am 40? I'm too young to know that. I'm too young to be entering the real world.

Here is a list of possible occupations for me (some seem more preferable than others):
1. Lawyer
2. Manager of a Hotel Chain
3. Bum
4. Translator
5. College Professor
6. Owner of a Casino (just call me Steve Wynn)
7. Lobbyist (for Medical care? For Tourism? For something else?)
8. Local politician
9. Author
10. Consultant for International Firms

Please feel free to e-mail me with preferences of what I should do with the rest of my life.

This weekend was a lot more fun than I was expecting it to be. I had a wonderful time debating with Erin and I am happy that I was able to do my last 6 debate rounds ever with her. She isn't just a fun debate partner, she is a truly wonderful friend. I plan to blog more about this weekend later, I think I am still trying to process everything in my brain. It is difficult when an activity ends, especially something that I have been fairly active in for 8 years now. It's not just the end of debate though, this is the beginning of a lot of ends and good-byes. The next few months are going to be difficult, but also very exciting. An odd contradiction of feelings and emotions.

I found some interesting poems about Cherry Blossoms and today is so beautiful it just seems appropriate to put them on here:

Asked
what the true Japanese spirit is like,
I would answer,
it is the mountain cherry blossoms
smelling in the rising sun.
--Motoori Norinaga (1730~1801)
(translated by Takashi Nonin)


Poem (translated by Tsuge Gen'ichi)
Peacefully
The Second Month has come
Full upon us.
Mountains, far as the eye can see,
Enshrouded in mist;
The light green filament boughs
Of the willow weaving

A spring brocade
Unknown in the capital.
White clouds?
Blossoms?
Let us follow
The cherry blossoms,
Our hearts full
With anticipation.

Departing from the blue,
Geese fly back
To Koshiji
In the north
To their mates;
Their wings
Fragrant with blossoms,
They vanish in the clouds
Leaving a plaintive cry behind.

We halt for a moment,
Reluctant
That they should leave us.
Carriages in procession,
One after another
To view the first blossoms.
Those who have met
Those who have not met
All are friends of the blossoms.
Acquainted,
Unacquainted -
All sit together
Under the blossoms.
Heedless of passing time
We spend
The long spring days
In listless abandon.
The flowery sleeves
Of our long-loved robes
Are fragrant with cherry blossoms.
The fields, the hills -
Nor valley nor vale
Do the flowers
Not reach.
Tumbling
Down the mountain ledges,
A fall

Of one thousand streams
Like strands puppeted
By the Goddess of Spring.
Were there no falls
We would cross over
And cut the blossomed branches
Before the temple bell
Brings sunset.
Let the mists not hide the blossoms
Even if the wind blows.

I guess it is true what people say about the grass being greener on the other side. When I was in Japan I couldn't wait to get back to DC and all of my friends and I thought this semester was going to be amazingly fun. And while the semester hasn't completely sucked, it hasn't been all I was expecting it to be. I suppose I should be use to things not living up to my expectations. Last summer also didn't live up to my expectations. So this leaves me in a slight dilemna. If I think a situation is going to be so fun that I set my expectations so high that I then realize they can't possibly be reached, what do I do? Should I attempt to lower my expectations so I expect nothing, and then will hopefully be pleasantly surprised by anything? Do I avoid the situation entirely because I think that there is another situation that will be more fun? Would I then fall into the same dilemna with the new situation because I expected too much? Do I just stay in the situation and become disappointed? Does enough dissappointment lead to bitterness? Some situations cause people to become strong, give people the chance to prove themselves. I don't think that constant dissappointment is one of those situations that makes you stronger. I really don't want to be bitter when I get older, but I need to find a way to avoid things that would cause that.

I've been thinking about going back to Reno lately. Not permanently, but for the summer before I leave for Japan. I realized that there really isn't that much in DC for me anymore.

I was doing my tourism reading on ecotourism I came across the following quote: "safaris in which tourists pursue Zimbabwean elephants with paint guns." The thought so infuriated me that I had to share it. I don't understand how harrassing elephants with paint guns is considered good for the environment. Are these safari goers sadists? Do they get a strange thrill out of torturing elephants that were most likely minding their own business? Or are they making a fashion statement "Gray is sooo out this season." It never fails to amaze me how ridiculously stupid humans can be. Everytime I am reading something that impresses me about the human soul and resilience, I read something else about a random act of stupidity committed by a fellow human. Listed below are several examples from both sides, humans as stupid and enlightened.

Also found in my tourism reading:
The World Broccoli Capital is located in Crystal City, Texas
The World Garlic Capital is located in Gilroy, CA (I have been to Gilroy as scary as that is)
The World's Largest Buffalo is in Jamestown, North Dakota.

I wanted to show you a picture of a Mughol king, we ruled in India from 1556-1605. His name was Akbar, and although he was Muslim he believed people had the right to worship any religion and gathered people from all religions and ethnic backgrounds into his court. Although he never learned to read he loved philosphy and art and would have people read classics to him or commission paintings. He was outgoing, open-minded, tolerant and fair. (On a side note, his grandson was the builder of the Taj Mahal).